Nathaniel Garro
My latest painting of Nathaniel Garro is nothing short of a good example of recovering from several disasters in the process. Behind this painting are layers of failures both in paint and mentally which almost left me to scrap this project entirely. So much of me was tempted to bin the project, refund my client and move on. I've said in the past that it's okay for artists to fail, and if you want to get better you gotta push till failure. And with those words, this project is a good example of how to put those words to good use.
First, let's start with why I was failing with Garro. My colour palette wasn't working with what I was feeling. The gold against the dark grey armour was feeling forced and much too saturated for my liking. This was compounded by the fact that at the time I was feeling doubtful of my work. A sense of self-worth was bearing overhead and was leaving me to question a lot of my decisions. My panic solution was to straight copy several references but in no regard to how those pieces relate to one another and how they relate to myself in the project. I didn't allow much wiggle room, no bending of interpretations to better fit the project. That's my definition of a stiff painting; concepts borrowed from reference without flexibility to flow and contour the subject. Out came the paint stripper to scrub this bad boy down and start again....
And again there is more failure...
With two failed attempts, hours being burned away from the budget, and a deadline I've set which is running way past due. It was time to really step back and assess myself. This was the point where I was really thinking about binning the project and quitting. But listening to myself saying that, I knew that the easiest thing is to quit. So before throwing in the towel, I asked myself all the reasons this painting wasn't working to see if it was actually worth doing just that. The answers I was coming up with had a lot to do about "feeling". The colours I wasn't "feeling", or even the sculpt I wasn't "feeling" it. I started to see a pattern in what I was feeling about the painting in comparison to how I was feeling as an artist as a whole. It clicked to me that I needed to get my mental game squared and that was to take a step back from the project entirely. Put it on the shelf, muscle up the courage to call the client and be honest as to why I need to put this project on hold and ask for an extension. The truth really came out as the winning formula here, as I had to be truthful about myself as well as to the client.
With the room to breathe, I opened up to a couple of close friends and found help from reading The Creative Act, a book written by Rick Rubin. It helped me put my work and worth into perspective, looking at where I've come from and digging deep into why I paint in the first place. The true joy and act of creating. The best state of my miniature painting comes from a state of play and no regard for what others think. Bouncing back, it turned out the second attempt wasn't actually too far off the button! Pull the blue/violet saturation back, get more of that gold in there and paint his face so I can have the character stare back at me through the remainder of the painting.
In essence, this project was just as much of a healing project as it was a painting for my client. I remind myself that paintings can't and shouldn't always be solved with the lack of technical knowledge, not having the right tutorial, or blaming your paints. Your creativity and your ability to paint always start in your head, be more aware of yourself, seek help when you need it, and don't be afraid to take a step back. Overcoming this challenge has made me proud of Garro for the process it generated and what I had to overcome. I tell myself that great paintings aren't always the most intricate, clean blended and executed pieces. But that they can come by overcoming mental barriers and the harshest critique out there, yourself.